Smile Takuma
by nyebe
Summary: Takuma suddenly stops smiling and after his twenty-first birthday suddenly decides to leave without saying where he's going. Kaname realizing he's loosing his best friend wants to do something about it but doesn't know what to do at all.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first Vampir Knight fic~ ^_^

Pairing: Takuma + Kaname

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Knight~ I write fanfics but I don't own it~ so yea, it's not mine~ :D

There would be some ooc's along the way and also some original characters~ Please R&R~ ^_^

_Smile Takuma_

Kaname's POV

"My dear friends thank you all for joining me this evening to celebrate my 21st birthday. I've always been looking forward to this day ever since I've been able to think for myself. I've always had birthday celebrations such as this one, grand and big scaled, important guests graced me with their presence and dear friends come to join me in this auspicious day but none of those past birthdays would ever compare to this one. My 21st birthday finally marks the day that I will be on my own. That I will never have to worry what others may think if I do certain things for myself. I will no longer be someone's puppet. I refuse to be a pawn. I've been a pawn by people close to me three times because I was too naïve and too selfless also maybe because I was too easy to fool but now I do not care if I don't please all of you." I heard gasps and there were the expected humming of gossipers with what Takuma had said he held up his hands gesturing silence. Surprisingly, this Takuma commanded the crowd the noise suddenly stopped and all attention went back to him, "I will be my own person now. I'm not stupid anymore but although I have formally announced my independence, please allow me this last time to be selfless. I'll allow my dearest friend Kuran-sama to steal the spot light from me. Let me be the first one to announce his engagement to his childhood love and sweetheart Yuki Cross."

If I had a mirror in front of me I could've seen my eyes went wide as saucers, I wasn't expecting anyone to know. It was only between me and Yuki. As possibilities of how Takuma could've known raced through my head he suddenly brought me back to reality when he spoke in a louder voice, "I've always known this day would come and now it has all I could do is accept it. This is all you've ever wanted, right Kaname? So please let this be the last day that I tell you of how I love you since I know once you are betrothed to Yuki it would only be her endearing words that you would only want to hear." People's chatter begun to echo throughout the ballroom then he continued with his emerald green eyes staring through mine as if trying to get his gaze past through me, I visibly shuddered under his intense stare, "Kaname Kuran I deeply love you and I've come to accept that your only wish has come true."

The buzzing of the crowd's hushed gossiping and applause roared through my ears, I looked at Takuma Ichijo who looked at me with his ever present smile after he downed his champagne. He tore his gaze away and stepped down from the altar as majestic and elegant as he walked up to it. Immediately he was surrounded by a mass of vampires giving him their birthday wishes. I wasn't able to get to him first as I wanted to, since I was swarmed as well with people giving me their congratulations. I gave them my best smile and excused myself finding the excuse that 'I need to have a word with Takuma.' was a complete lie. I really and desperately needed to have a word with Takuma. I managed to ease through the crowd that formed around me but found that my destination was no longer in my sight I willed myself not to sniff his scent to tell me of his where abouts but I couldn't help myself. His scent that I've memorized all throughout the years that he stood behind me was faint and in almost all directions. He had been dancing with a lot of female vampires and had hugged quite a lot of the males that most probably he rubbed his scent on them. That had always been the typical Takuma warm, like a ball of sunshine. Not like a vampire at all. I feel my lips curve up at the thought of the cheerful Takuma bouncing up the stairs after he had bought a manga but now he's changed quite dramatically. He hardly ever laughs anymore, he seldom talks to anyone and he would sometimes leave without telling anyone where he's been. There's so much I don't know about Takuma and I'm so afraid about that fact. I'm scared, I don't know what's on his mind. I don't know what he will be doing from here on end. I don't know what happened to him for him to become this "person". I don't know why he's leaving. I don't know why Kaname became Kuran-sama.

I need to find him and talk to him before it's too late and he decides to never come back. He may do something that I don't know that he would be capable of doing. I reluctantly tried to pick up another scent the one whom may know where Takuma is, Shiki. Shiki and I are cousins though we are it seems that we conduct ourselves in a casual manner. I found him where his scent was the strongest, I peered over to my left and saw him with Rima eating pokey sticks. Where they got them evades me. Shiki just stood there nibbling on the sweet unsuspecting that I'm approaching him. Shiki and I both share the same close friendship with Takuma. While it's Takuma's free time and not with me he would most probably be with Shiki. Takuma and Shiki are very close like Takuma and me. No, I think they are closer being intimate as they have always been. While I fall asleep with my head on my desk Shiki awake or not leans on Takuma's shoulder looking as if he's more comfortable there than on his bed not caring if anyone saw them. Takuma just let him stay there and I counted that as him being polite but I can't help but feel Shiki's just taking advantage of him. My cousin never gives anything to anyone and Takuma most probably never received anything from him. I stop dead in my tracks. I realized Takuma most probably never got anything in return from me as well. My chest suddenly became tight. Was I able to show Takuma how I value him as friend? He was like a brother to me he'd always been there for me I ask him one thing and he executes the work well. I cover my mouth, I feel nothing but disgust with myself. I do nothing but ask Takuma of favors and never reward him anything of his efforts.

Am I really a friend to Takuma? Do I even have the right to call myself his friend? I'm worse than Shiki. Worse than Asato Ichijo and far worse than Rido Kuran. I had used our friendship to gain access to the council, I had used Takuma being the grandson of a council member to my advantage and I have used him as a pawn much like Ichio and Sara did. Is that why he's leaving? Has he realized what I never want him to know about? That I had used him before?

I feel the guilt spreading from my heart to my finger tips numbing them and it over-flowed in my eyes. Am I the one who destroyed Takuma Ichijo?

I was snapped out of my thoughts as I felt a hand gently touch my arm, I looked to my left and saw Rima with a worried look she withdrew her hand and asked if I was doing fine. I nodded, Shiki gave me a glass of champagne and I took it and thanked him. I told him we needed to talk privately and asked Rima if she would like to come as well. She suggested we go to the balcony, I agreed and I led the way. "Where's Ichijo?" I asked straight to the point once we had gotten there.

Shiki gave Rima a look and she nodded he turned back looking at me with his nonchalant face, "He went back to his hotel to pack." I was taken aback, he was leaving this soon? I thanked them and turned to leave but Shiki stopped me. "Kaname-sama, he's not leaving until tomorrow night." He said his voice slightly shaking, "Please, Kaname-sama, he said he just needed to be alone. He wishes to be alone."

"Again? He wants to be alone now on his birthday?" I asked out in irritation. What's happening to Takuma?

Rima sat at the rail with a scrunching sound as her ball gown flattened, "Takuma wants to be away from you, Kaname-sama." The glass that I was holding shattered in grasp and the glass on the doors cracked.

"Rima!" Shiki scolded. I turned around and saw Rima's tears cascading down her face. Shiki's head was down. "We're sorry for being rude Kaname-sama but Takuma asked for him not to be disturbed tonight and he specifically asked for you not to come see him."

"What's going on?" I demanded, I felt helpless I don't know what's happening to Takuma and I feel the hurt swell in my chest as Rima's words stung my ears. Does Takuma know?

"Shouldn't you be knowing the whereabouts of your Yuki, Kuran-san?" Someone said behind me, the owner of the voice was Sara Shirabuki. Her tone was spiteful and I couldn't help but feel she knows as well what was going on. She's one to talk, she used him as well. I bit my lip and glanced as she strode to stand in front of me blocking Rima and Shiki from my view, "She's more important to you than Takuma-kun right? Why don't you just go to her side instead of poor Takuma's?"

I composed myself, "Did you do anything to Ichijo?"

Sara stifled her knowing laugh with a hand, "Shouldn't you be asking that yourself? Probably you know the answer or has Yuki further blocked your view of Takuma?" outside I was fine inside I was completely confused and angry. What is Sara talking about? What does Sara know? Takuma lived with her only for a year but does that permit her to know more about him? I'm with him for more than a decade! "Kuran-san, how do you feel now that Takuma is slowly slinking away from you? Do you even care?" I wasn't able to control myself and I let loosed a psychic blast that made Sara loose her balance. Shiki stood in front of her while Rima steadied her and I was surprised at their actions. Sara looked at me accusingly, "Takuma's been hurt all his life Kuran-san, always remember that. Nobody truly showed him love if you're just going to pretend that nothing happened then don't even think about looking for him. You and I both don't have the right to see him."

I turned around and went to leave the party, I could see Yuki from the corner of my eye but this time I'll ignore her, I need to talk to Takuma. I'll see him despite what Sara said. Her words were sharp I felt like it sliced my chest. I remembered a month ago that Takuma came to personally deliver the invitation to his combined birthday celebration and going away party. As usual he was all smiles as he entered my study after handing me the envelope I sat on my chair behind the desk while he stood behind me I sensed he was looking out the window possibly looking up at the stars. I set the envelope down and rubbed my temples, "Ichijo I-"

"Kaname," he cut me off his voice sounded so serious, "are you happy now?" I swiveled my chair around to face his back his silhouette was illuminated by the moon, "I think you are, you have what you want now. You have Yuki-chan now." He chuckled, "Do you think I'm happy, Kaname?" he turned around and revealed his ethereal face his cherub cheeks glistened with falling tears. My throat dried as his sharp gaze seemed to be able to see my soul, "You think I am but I'm not." He leant down until we were face to face, "I have someone I need to be with-" he took my hands in his brought it up to his face and kissed each of my palm, I was too shocked to say something, "but he wants to belong to someone else. I'm not happy Kaname I couldn't be happy not even for you so don't ask me details that could lead me back to you. Where I'm going I don't want you to know and I don't want anyone to know that I know you, I don't want to hear news about you, I don't want to know anything about you anymore. I'm leaving because of you I want to move on and if it meant that I'd have another identity it's fine by me as long as I'm far away from you." He sobbed in my hands I wanted to wipe his tears away but I couldn't move at all I could only watch him, I feel so helpless. "Kaname, allow me to say these words I long to say since the day that I've felt them. Hate me for it I don't care, kill me for it that's even better.

"Kaname, I adore you. You are my God. I worship the ground you walk on. I miss you when you're gone and I miss you when you're near. I want to crush you in my embrace. I want your face to be the first last thing I see each day. I want you Kaname. I need you Kaname." He sounded so desperate I want to comfort him but I don't know how. I winced as his grip on my hands suddenly tightened, he tilted his head upward and he looked directly in my eyes his smile dropped he looked foreign to me, "Kaname, I love you." he abruptly let go he stood up and left.

I just sat there not doing anything I wasn't able to hear from him and whenever we're in the same room during council meetings he makes it a point that we're not alone together or even talking he always took his stand behind me I want to turn around to talk to him but I don't know what to say so I just let chance take over he seemed to be the usual all smiles but not to me. He was either behind me or he had his back was turned to me. My lips quivered as I remembered the broad back I've now have been accustomed to seeing. Takuma never had anyone the same as I have and I made it worse by using him and hurting him intentionally or unintentionally.

I need to confront Takuma and tell him how much he means to me.

Okay done with the 1st chapter~ ^_^ this Kaname's mentally talkative~ :D anyway, 'til next chap~ R&R please~

Ja ne~


	2. Chapter 2

Hi readers! It's me again~ ^^v

Haha~ I've finally found out how to edit my stories~ (I'm a big baka for not reading the instructions) anyway, here's chapter two~

This would be in Takuma's (my love kya!~) POV~ ^_^

Please R&R~ If you review this story you'd get a short preview of the next chapter~ ^^

Disclaimer: Vampire Knight isn't mine~

Pairings: TakumaxKaname

Now on with the story!~ ;3

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_Takuma's POV_

I've just finished packing, only one bag and a hand carry I think that'll be enough. I'll buy new stuff after I get settled anyway and I intend to burn the ones that I'll be bringing with me. I want things that belong here to stay here I don't want anything to remind me of him. I might change my mind again and settle to be being his "right-hand" man, Aido and probably Kain's better for that position I don't want anything to do with the power and prestige of being in the Vampire Council, I might turn out to be like my grandfather. I shudder at that thought. I'm leaving more for self-preservation than anything I don't want to die as crazy as a level E. I need to leave I don't much of a responsibility here now anyway and I'm very much replaceable. I'm not a pureblood so I could just disappear anytime I want to. They'd probably be happy since I'm just a waste of space now I'm of no use anymore not to anyone and certainly not to him.

Kaname has been my friend since childhood. Both of us were alone and somehow we found solace in each other or is that just my wishful thinking? My grandfather told me to be good friends with him but even if he didn't say that I know I will be in good terms with him. He was stoic when he was a kid and I'm surprised at how people would assume that I'm the only person who got in his private bubble. I never did. Only one person was able to, his dear Yuki. I don't hold grudges against her I just knew it from the start who Yuki-chan was to him. She was her muse the very reason he was breathing as he was to me.

It wasn't too long ago that I've felt this way about Kaname, it all started with him telling me of his plans to start the Night Class. I admired him for being so independent so I followed him of my own accord thinking he might need me. And he did, he used me against my grandfather. It hurt me deeply to find out that the person I care about the most was using me as a pawn to have an advantage in the game he's playing but I've accepted it though just the thought of it stung me to the core. My love grew as the days go by and I completely depended on him to live because I need him to do so. Yuki-chan was in Cross Academy, the prefect was a ball of sunshine if anyone were to describe her so I also accepted that Kaname wants her and I let them be. The incident with Rido passed and I still remained loyal to Kaname then the incident with my grandfather and I chose him and death over flesh and blood. Sara found me and I stayed there for a year she was unique just like Kaname but their difference was too great, I love Kaname not her. Kaname never sought after me so I hoped against hope that he would not find me so I'd be able to die as was my wish to end the Ichijo line. He didn't but circumstances lead us to meet and for the third time I was used again like a plaything.

Sometimes I think about the reason why I was even born? Am I here to be happy or will I be just another idiot trying to reach it? I always get the feeling that God created me to be used like a pawn to be sarificed for a game. Do I even matter to others the way they mattered to me? Would the name Takuma Ichijo be forever labelled as a "puppet" or most probably an idiot for being so gullible as to think I am going to be loved? Kaname Kuran have I served my purpose?

I truly wish I have because I'm just tired. I'm tired of being used and being laughed at behind my back. I'm too tired to care and too tired to do anything that exhausting. I'm just glad that this thing happened to me. This was the break that I needed. I could die happy knowing I was able to spend time with myself, to smile when I want to, do something without anyone dictating or just asking me to and most of all I'd be able to love myself maybe not more than him but at least I will be able to move freely of my own will. I trapped myself in too deep and I just needed to free myself.

Dear Lord God, I don't want to die not knowing what it feels to be loved.

tbc...

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chap 2 done~ ^^

T'was kinda short~ Anyway, R&R please~ :D


	3. Chapter 3

This is chapter three of "Smile Takuma" and this is in Kaname's POV!~

Please R&R it motivates me to write and update quickly!~ ^_^

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_Kaname's POV_

Immediately after I walked through the door of the hotel that Takuma's staying at, I ran to the counter and asked for his room number I could still smell his scent lingering but I was disappointed with the information that he checked out a few minutes before I arrived. He left already, Takuma left. He's gone now. Did I miss my chance? His flight was tomorrow, right? Where does he plan to stay before leaving? He's gone that thought kept taunting me over and over. Suddenly I was experiencing hot flashes, my face felt hot and my chest tightened, I couldn't move I felt my knees ready to give away then a kind old lady, most probably a foreigner since she spoke in English, approached me and ushered me to take a seat on the hotel lobby's chair. While seated I could feel that she was of a close proximity, I wasn't able to get a good look of how close since I had my eyes closed as I rubbed the bridge of my nose.

_"Hello, dear, my name is Maria Clara(1). Shall I take you to the hospital?"_ she asked in perfect English her perky tone reminded me a lot of Takuma, _"You seem kind of pale and you nearly fainted earlier, dear. Come, I'll drop you off to the hospital."_

_"No, thank you madam, I'm sure this is nothing."_ I said trying not to worry her further.

I felt the cushion dip as she took a seat beside me. _"Are you sure, dear?"_ I nodded then she said out of the blue, _"You know, there was a young man whom I've met that had nearly fainted before, I think that was a week ago,"_ it seems that the old lady had a chatterbox-like quality to her usually it would annoy me but I was still feeling quite light headed, _"he had pale skin that looked as if he never went of his house before, he was very handsome and charming like a prince," _my ears perked up as I heard how she described that young man it's almost as if she's describing Takuma, _"anyway, he said it was a bad case of anemia, poor boy had it since he was a child. I feel really sorry for him so I made it a point that I take care of him, I made sure he ate healthy and forced him to eat chicken liver, in our country we call that 'Adobong Atay'. Oh I remember the look on that boy's face as I presented the dish to him." _She giggled she was probably remembering the look on that man's face, _"but after he tasted it, he kept asking me to cook the same dish every dinner. It was a good thing I know the head chef and made such a thing possible. He actually told me a lot about him, he spent the past nights with me and my grandson, he talked about his deceased family and how he's the only survivor of his clan."_ I stopped my ministrations and dropped my hand to my lap, _"He also seemed unusually excited about his newly found independence he even suddenly decided to leave the hotel and to hell with the place he's going to stay for the night before he leaves tomorrow but of course I pressed on so he told me. I just hope his impulsiveness wouldn't land him somewhere bad. He's a good kid a generous one to boot, before he left earlier he gave my grandson three large suitcases full of japanese comic books."_

_"Is his name by any chance, Ichijo Takuma?" _I asked and I cursed inward as I suddenly let my hopefulness of seeing him slip from my reverie.

She suddenly clapped her hands in surprise, _"Oh yes, yes! That's the young lad's name! Ta-ku-ma-sa-ma his driver would say."_

_"Can you tell me where he went?"_

_"Well, he didn't tell me exactly but he said something about a place he felt safe and free. He mentioned a name as well, K- uhm, K- uhm it started with a K? I'm sorry, it's hard to remember the names I'm not good at Nihongo."_

_"Is it Kain?"_ she shook her head no, _"Kurenai? Kiryu?"_ I even added Zero's name but her response was still a no.

_"No, no I believe it started with a Ku- Kur- something like that."_ She rubbed her chin in thought as my mind flew elsewhere.

If it started with a Kur- then could it be… _"Is it Kuran?"_ I said allowing hope to overcome me.

She tilted her head and placed a finger on her lip, _"No dear, it's not Ku-ran."_ I bit my lower lip as I felt those hot flashes again it was almost unbearable that I covered my face with hands, _"Oh! I got it, he said I shouldn't say it like ku-ru-so because he said it's a bad word he said he will go see Kurosu! Yes, that's the one Kurosu!"_ If I were an ordinary human I knew I could've snapped my neck and killed myself when I abruptly turned to look at her. Kurosu. He went to him because he felt safe with the Chairman? What's his relationship with him? Is there a close relationship between Kurosu and Takuma? _"Ku-ro-su Ga-kun or was it ga-ku-en? It's something along those lines I just can't point out which one is it, I'm sorry I couldn't be of any help."_ I felt her pat my shoulder in a gesture of comfort, I chuckled the hot flashes long gone as I've come to understand that Takuma went to Cross Academy, of course, he would normally say that in kanji. I gave her a smile to re-assure her that it was fine.

_"No Madam Maria, you were very helpful. Forgive me for my late introduction, I'm Kuran Kaname."_

_"Ku-ran Ka-na-me, that's easier to pronounce!"_ she laughed and I chuckled, _"Takuma speaks so fast and sometimes I don't know if he was speaking in his native language or some other language, that young man at times is very happy for his own good. He's still like a kid."_

Happy and cheerful that's the Takuma I grew accustomed to since we were kids no matter what he would always find it in himself to smile. His smile could brighten up a gloomy atmosphere, and I admit it's not me who strengthens our group it had always been Takuma he's the bond that keeps all of us former members of the Night Class together without him I don't think how we all feel for each other as a whole would ever be the same again. I'm not as strong as everyone think I am. I depend on Takuma as much as others depend on me. I feel so stressed about dealing with the new leaders of the council and council meetings have been very hard lately but it has become bearable because of Takuma and when he started keeping distance from me I suddenly felt the weight of all the responsibilities that I have. I felt lighter because he's there to support me.

_"You might want to hurry up and catch Takuma."_ I nodded and stood up_, "Are you his friend?"_

_"I-I don't know but- I'm determined to find out if I had been or not." _I'm not sure of myself anymore I know I'm responsible for Takuma's decision to leave. I knowI had been very selfish, I've been neglecting Takuma. I can't loose him, he means a lot to me and I'm afraid I wasn't able to show him that. I hope promising to make amends for what I have done in the past could make him change his mind if not I know I'd loose mine.

I hope Takuma would reconsider, I need him here beside me.

tbc...

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Okay, done with chapter three~ so whaddya think?~ anyway, for the next chapter there would be another pairing~

hint: it's also a rare couple~ :P

anyway, thanks for reading!~ ^_^ don't forget to R&R~

THANKSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!~

(1)Meet the sweet old woman, Maria Clara, she is a filipina. We'd be seeing her again soon she'd play a major major role in this fic along with her grandson~ ^_^


	4. Chapter 4

Hi everyone!~ ^_^

This is chapter 4 of Smile Takuma please R&R~

Don't get mad at the new pairing I've introduced into the story okay?~ Please be gentle!~ T_T

Anyway, enjoy!~

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_Takuma's POV_

Looking at the broad back of Kaien Cross I understood why he was fear by our kind during his vampire hunting days. He radiated strength and power, much like Kaname. No, that's Kuran-sama now. I figured I should at least accept the fact that I could no longer interact with him the way I did before, I'm just another subject anyway so why shouldn't act like one? I heard Chairman Cross sigh he turned around and looked at me straight in the eye, "Takuma-kun, I heard from Shoutou about your family's-"

"Yes," I cut him off knowing what he was about to say, "it's taboo Chairman Cross, please, refrain from speaking about 'that'." I said, giving emphasis on the last word. I don't want to be rude but I really want to make sure that he understands that I don't want to be reminded of that... thing. "I'm sure Shoutou-sama must have spoken that talking about 'that' is punishable by death according to vampire laws."

He nodded, I saw his lips form a thin line. Silence passed between us and I shifted under his intense gaze. "Is that why you're leaving?" I just wanted to say goodbye to Cross Academy but then Chairman Cross saw me at the gate so here I am dragged inside his office. Initially, I thought he was going to interrogate me for trespassing but I didn't know he would question me about this.

"I'm leaving because I want to leave." I sensed that he wanted to say something but I didn't give him a chance to as I continued, "I want to be my own person, I want to be free from puppeteers. This life is a one time thing though vampires and some gifted humans live for a long time the time we have now may never come again and if I was gifted with a long life I'd like to explore whatever I could. Independence is all I ask in this life and now that I've decided I'll face it head on whether I'm ready or not."

"You can be independent and stay." He said plainly, I chuckled. "You have an option to stay, Takuma-kun."

"It's not an option and it's out of the question. The only option I have is independence or the same old same routine." As I've said the last word I looked at the window behind the chairman and his desk I saw full moon shining illuminating the dark blue sky and shedding light on the earth's surface anytime now a nymph might appear and dance around a tree.

"What gives you a guarantee that you'll be able to get what you are seeking?" I looked back at him and I smiled.

"The fact that Kuran-sama is not going to be there is my guarantee." I saw him quirk an eyebrow in question. I sighed I guess I need to explain it to him, "I depend on Kuran-sama. I've seen how you and Zero-kun look at each other these days how I feel for him is the same way that you and Zero-kun feel for each other. If your daughter is added to the mix on what you have now with Zero-kun then and only then you'd understand how I'm feeling."

He nodded knowingly, "I pretty much get the picture." He probably didn't want to be reminded that once upon a time it wasn't he who was loved by Zero-kun. Chairman Cross and Zero Kiryu, God must have made that as a cosmic joke or something but decided that they should really be together and it worked. I knew it did work, Chairman Cross was now the head of the Vampire Hunter's Association with Zero-kun in training to replace him, there's a signed peace treaty between the Vampire Council and the Hunter's Association and to keep that we allow the representative of the hunters and his protege in our meetings but when the chairman is not around his trainee usually attends his meetings for him and when Zero-kun does he reeked of the chairman's scent usually we'd dismiss it with an innocent thought but the scent was 'everywhere' so to speak. The longing looks I saw in Zero-kun when Chairman Cross leaves the room. I envy what they have knowing I couldn't have that myself. "You know, I knew I couldn't stop you Takuma-kun despite whatever your reason for leaving I knew I couldn't. I owe a lot to you for pushing the treaty between our kinds that was something that Kaname-kun alone wouldn't be able to achieve. You're more or less like me in a way during my younger years I've never felt love directed to me, the one woman I've ever loved didn't love me back the way I wanted her to, she loved someone else, but before she died she gifted me with something very precious to her, my precious one." his precious one, he may be talking about Juri Kuran and Yuki-chan I heard stories from my grandfather that Chairman Cross was involved with the Kurans even before I was born. "The precious bundle she left me to protect reminds me of her and the love I wasn't able to get but I was able to move on and look at me now, I'm old but I'm happy with my life." he smiled leaving me cofused, I don't quite get what he was trying to say.

"Chairman Cross, I'm not quite sure I get what you want to say." I voiced my confusion.

"I know you really don't want independence, I know what you really want is happiness and the satisfaction that you are loved." He said knowingly, "Takuma-kun just remember that wherever you are you will be able to find happiness you don't need to go anywhere, so what if Kaname-kun's here, will you be sure that you'd be able to forget about him and start all over again?" My heartached at his frankness and for the possibility that I won't be able forget about him. "Aren't you just running away, Takuma-kun?"

I sank to my seat and I stared at him, that was the final blow and my tears started spilling from my eyes I didn't even feel them pooling there. I cried silently more from being tired of everything than anything else, "I'm so tired of being here..." I muttered, "I'm tired of trying... I'm tired of being used! I'm tired of being useful! I'm tired of reassuring myself that everything's fine the way it is! I'm tired of lying to myself that I'm needed though I know that I'm not and I'm replaceable!" I choked out a sob, my chest burned with pain with every phrase I pound at the armrest hearing it creek over and over. I knew sharp peices of the wood were cutting my flesh each time I hit them and I probably have a lot of splinters by now as I smelt blood, I tried to calm myself while griiping the arm rest or it's remain. Once I composed myself I continued in a softer voice or as I'm hearing myself it's more like a resigned voice, "I'm tired of comforting Kaname when he's down thinking he'd do the same for me... I'm tired of waiting for him to see me, I'm tired of being just a right-hand man or in most cases an errand boy I do his orders so I could feel that I'm important to him... I'm tired of supporting him towards his goal, I'm tired of seeing him in someone else's arms..." I sighed an exasperated sigh, "Most of all, I'm tired of being tired. I've exhausted myself for making myself believe for all these years that it's okay and just be Takuma Ichijo to him, I've broken myself to survive for him. I might do the same cycle again, I've been an expert at lying to everybody that there's nothing wrong with me that I'm just fine I'm such an expert that I even believe that myself. I think I've had a lot of practice growing up with my grandfather and having to spend most of my childhood years with a broken Kaname, I had to be strong even if it was just a lie." So forgive me Chairman Cross for running away and not being sure of myself I've learned from this academy that one should face their fears but I'm not really that strong, I won't like facing the fact that I'm just a subject in his eyes and nothing more. With him out of my life I can concentrate on myself for a change and not do anybody else's bidding." I licked my dry lips before continuing, "I'm afraid of being forever the puppet and I'm afraid of living in an 'okay-world' so I've decided to let Takuma be Takuma... let myself live for myself... I want to let go of the hold that I have on everything that I love because that's what is hurting me... excuse me for being a coward it's not the academy's fault, yours, my grandfather's, the council and most expecially it's not Kaname's fault. It's mine." That's right, it's my fault I'm suffering because of my own doing and it's up to me to make up for the lost time that I've been neglecting myself.

I'm going to leave and embrace myself and most espacially be honest with who I am, I may be running away from my problems but maybe I would succeed and they won't catch up on me ever again. I'm broken but I know I'd be able to mend myself now that I don't have strings attached on my back.

tbc...

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Well, folks there you have it!~ end of chapter 4~

I hope no one got mad at the Kaien/Zero pairing~ _ I love Kaien Cross and his story is similar to that of Zero's when it came to the love triangle part~ I don't want them to be alone and be sad so why not put them together to make everybody happy?~

Oh er, yeah uhm... Takuma isn't but I'll make him "VERY" happy next chapter~ very very happy~ In fact I'll make him so happy it'll make you happy~ **sporting a mischievous smile** Mwuahahahahahahaha!~ XD

see you guys!~ R&R please!~


	5. Chapter 5

Hi!~ ^^

Thank you guys for the wonderful reviews~ ^^ they really inspire me to speed up the story~ okay, here comes the dreaded... "however"~ ^^;; I had encountered a problem with my laptop so i couldn't upload the next chapter which is in Kaname's POV~ i couldn't find the folder where i wrote his POV's (i think it had something to do with my cat messing with the keys the other day) and even my FB account had problems~ anyway since i wrote it i'd be able to write again but it may take some time~ T_T so i'm thinking maybe i could continue with only Takuma's POV from here on end~ _ so what do you guys think?~

I made this not only for myself but also for the fans of the TakumaxKaname pairing so can you guys please help me decide?~

I opened a poll the end is on November 14, 2010~ So please vote~

Sorry for the trouble~ T_T

Anyway, here's a preview of what would happen in the future~

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_Takuma's POV_

The sun is setting on the beach.

Earlier on the sand was scorching hot now the grains of sand under my feet were cool. I looked to my left and saw Madam Maria and her grandson making sand castles then I looked to my right and my heart soared high the love of my life was there. I quirked my eyebrow as he casually sipped his coconut drink he smiled as he saw me looking he waved a pack of white tablets and I chuckled.

Blood tablets.

I approached him and from behind I wrapped my arm around his waist pulling him flush against my front with my free hand I brushed his brown mane from his flawless nape and once exposed I bent down to kiss it. He turned around and offered me his drink.

My face scrunched up in disgust never have I liked the taste of blood tablets and I'm glad I could skip on that diet. A lot of us had to deal with the taste, nobody liked it except this beautiful creature in my arms. I took the offending thing and set it down at the table behind us then I proceeded to embrace him again.

"Takuma, you look out of it. Are you okay?" I heard him say his brows knotted in concern, "Let's go inside you've been out in the sun for too long and you're getting a tan now." His pale hand planted themselves on my chest he was probably comparing his pale complexion to my pinkish skin.

"I'm out of it because I'm thinking of you and you know how I get when I think of you." he hit me lightly on the chest. He paused for a bit then he looked up to me and my heart ached as I saw his deep reddish brown eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"Takuma, be honest with me..." he looked to his side, "Who... who... do you see... when you look at me?"

He asked me to be honest and I could never deny him anything, "I saw him..."

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Okay there~ sorry about that~ T_T I gave my cat a good scolding but she just pressed the spacebar when i'm typing this so maybe she's doing everything on purpose my own cat is sabotaging me!~

I'll be waiting...

And many thanks to:

Pink Bead Girl

Skiperella

LovelyPinkValentine

SakuraGirl25

mssekishi

thanks guys~

also to those who subscribed arigato gozaimas!~ ^^


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